There is a ghost that is chasing us- lurking behind us at every turn.
A reality that, while only a figment, is just so damn present everywhere we look that over time we start to believe it’s real. It’s a powerful idea, one that constantly moves the finish line further. One that we worship secretly and not so secretly. It touches everything with its insatiable appetite. An animal in the night, it can devour even the most peaceful moments, haunting and consuming our dreams.
What is this terrible thing? Enough.
Money. Fitness. Love. How can you ever be satisfied when you could always do better? How can you ever be happy when there is always more to accomplish, to become, to achieve?
We all face this thing in our own ways. Sometimes it shows up in our definition of “done” or “good” or “fulfilling”. It comes to plague our peace with its endless to-do’s and to-wants. Sometimes it dresses up as “drive” or “ambition” or what some call “work ethic”- all the while helping to reinforce our insecurities about ourselves, our uncertainties about our lives, and priming us to keep the consumerism train on track – moving full speed ahead, every day.
But perhaps if we take “better” out of our vocabulary, we can replace it with words infused with more meaning.
What if we stopped trying to be better, get better, feel better? What if instead, we committed fully to this video-game-virtual-reality life of ours. What if we started trying to get the most. The most pleasure. The most pain. The most learning. The most discipline. The most expansion. The most freedom.
Part of the search for meaning in this life is a sweet and painful surrender to the fact that no one has the answer. Not because there is no answer but because the answer is something you must discover and ultimately decide for yourself. You alone hold the answer to this particular algorithm. You alone hold the key to this door.
And what is on the other side? Experience. Practice. Love and hate. Fear, exhilaration and transcendence – it’s all waiting. But first we must realize that what we have, what we are and what we know is already enough. By finding a way to accept that we are, in fact, our most sovereign and truthful, powerful and knowledgeable influence in our own lives, that we are the only ones equipped to actually find out what we are here for, maybe, just maybe we can finally be enough.