I used to be self-conscious. I had been trained to see myself through other peoples eyes. My identity was based on what everyone else thought I was. My shape was based on what everyone else needed.
When you are self-conscious, you are experiencing yourself in comparison to people outside of you. Not all comparison is bad. Sometimes it allows us to see similarities – things that are shared between us. Things we have in common.
But comparison also does another thing: it quantifies uniqueness. It makes a value judgment about what is better or worse. This steals our energy and gone on un-examined, steals our agency.
When the access point for your self image comes from the outside, its’ important to choose the right reflective surfaces. It important to select the clearest mirrors.
By spending with people who held space for my uniqueness (instead of trying to control it), it allowed me to become more self-aware. Self-awareness is very different from self consciousness because it does not come from the outside. The reference point is internal. The reference point is you. By becoming self-aware, instead of self-conscious, I have been able to develop self-confidence and a deepening sense of self responsibility.
Lately I’ve been having fascinating conversations with clients, friends and strangers. We are in transition. The state of the world – the job market, the economy, the varied levels of inequality and oppression – in some ways we would be mad not to be questioning ourselves right now.
But over the years I have found that the key to small business success is resilience. We need to be flexible and in order to do that, we must be confident in ourselves so that we can come together. Instead of buying into this myth that we have to figure it out alone, I am leaning into doing things together. After years of small business coaching and brand development, followed by Senior leadership in Fintech, I truly believe that our best chance of surviving and thriving lies in the hands of the company we keep.
I recently brought 3 wonderful work-transition experts together to offer totally customized job transition coaching (staying, leaving, starting something new?) for people who are trying to see themselves clearly in this insane moment in time. They all bring different specialties and perspectives to the table. Different kinds of professional reflective surfaces to help you see yourself more clearly.
I have also joined forces with a talented brand expert and designer who I will be developing workshops with specifically for people who are newly certified in something they love. It’s not easy creating small business success in a market full of loud voices. What helps? Knowing what makes you truly unique.
The company you keep determines how you see yourself. Who’s voices are contributing to your current consciousness?